I’m finding out it’s a bit stressful and extremely tiring editing a book.
Especially a book about my life where I tell all my secrets.
Secrets about the shame I kept hidden, even from myself at times.
Secrets about how fucked up I was back then.
Secrets about my feelings, fears and insecurities.
Secrets about the bad decisions I’ve made over the years.
Here it is all in black and white. Exposed and raw.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Waiting to be judged and torn to pieces by anyone who has an opinion on my life.
It’s hard, even when you have the best editor in the world. Which I do!
I may be biased, but she’s fucking amazeballs and is making this whole process pretty painless….but still, it’s hard going.
The last few days my co-writer, who also is amazeballs btw, and I have been editing the chapter entitled “Rapes.” and it’s really knocked me for six.
Just like it did last year when Andra and I re-wrote the chapter. I blogged about that process here if you’d like to read it.
I don’t feel pain, shame or stress around them now.
I’ve done a lot of healing, so it’s not like it was triggering stuff for me about being raped, but energetically it completely exhausted me.
At the moment, Andra and I are editing from two to twelve hours at a time.
A lot of the content is hardcore and I’m finding more and more I need to pace myself and pay attention to the signs my body, mind and spirit are giving me.
Which is hard when my first instinct is to keep pushing through and just get it finished with no care for my well-being. People have invested in it after all.
Aside from editing my manuscript, lots of other things are going on in my life too.
A mum with a traumatic brain injury I’ve been looking after.
Changes in my home environment.
Minor injuries to my foot – more on that later.
Dealing with government departments and Doctors assessing my mental state and their measure of the injury to my mind from the attack.
Managing my healing business and working with clients.
With everything I’m working to achieve, it’s important that I look after myself right now. Well. Always really!
But especially now. No point in burning out just as it’s all coming together. I have a world to change!
Time for extreme self-care.
For me, that means cancelling stuff.
Taking a walk in the forest.
Eating fresh food prepared with love.
Swimming in lakes and the ocean.
Or even having a jarmie day….although I often do book stuff in my pjs.
It’s saying no to others demands on my time and energy. You can read the blog I wrote about the art of saying no here.
It means spending time with friends that put no pressure on me and have no expectations of me.
Taking a step back from the enormity of publishing a book and just breathing.
Reading a favourite book.
It means not beating myself up if I take a day off….and letting myself take a day off!
It means taking much needed alone time.
For my mental health and stress relief, it helps me to be out in nature with my horse.
Reconnecting with source, myself, the universe and Ru.
I have the best horse in the world by the way. Okay, again, I’m totally biased!
I really needed that last week and it all came together beautifully. Here’s a video I made of us at the beach.
By the end of the day I was completely refreshed and ready to get right back to the mammoth task that is editing.
What do you do for your own extreme self-care?