This month I got to open the box of advanced copies of Double-edged Sword and finally hold my baby in my hands.

After twelve long years!

These advanced copies are for media and reviewers.  But I got to take one home!  So exciting!

I couldn’t be more pleased!

Here I am staring at the box before I opened it.

One box of advanced copies to be opened as I stare at it in awe.

I have a real book! It’s so surreal!

I put my copy in my handbag to take home that day.  Just like I do with books from my favourite authors.

It’s pretty trippy!

The rest are ready November 26th. 

I still can’t believe I’m going to have a book on the shelves of a book shop….multiple book shops even.  So trippy!

This was the first time I got to see Double-edged Sword, my memoir of violence and healing, as a finished product.

I’m still in awe!  Will the awe ever go away?

What a wicked month it’s been. Oh my gosh it’s real!

I was so lucky to have an amazing team working with me to make this a reality.

Anna, myself and Sophia holding our baby!

Anna, myself and Sophia holding our baby!

I’ve taken it everywhere with me since I got it.  I keep pulling it out and staring at it, then wrapping it up and putting it away.

I can’t believe we actually made it this far.  It’s taken so long.

Some of the side effects of trauma and ptsd, even when you feel mentally and emotionally resolved,  are fatigue and memory loss.

Andra and I found out the hard way when I push myself too far or for too long, or if I feel under immense pressure when I’m tired, my mind totally shuts down, I lose chunks of time, and my body collapses into exhaustion and pain.

It was a real lesson for both of us to be able to read the signs and pace ourselves so I could stay on top of my health and energy.

To begin with we didn’t even know we’d pushed it too far until the next day when I didn’t remember the last three hours of our writing session, or I would wake up in excruciating pain completely drained and be fucked for days.

So we learned pretty quick!

The hardest part of writing Double-edged Sword for me wasn’t the fatigue, or writing about the rapes, beatings, or the sword attack that cut off my hands.

It was writing about, and admitting to myself, how badly the animals were treated in a bid to keep me controlled and in fear.

I hope that telling my story inspires people to break out of abusive relationships.

I hope it helps people to see the need for change and ask for help before it’s too late.


Here's Double-edged Sword hanging out on my shelf.

Here’s Double-edged Sword hanging out on my shelf.

Next step, getting it on your shelf! And the shelves of every library in the country! Or the world! 

I’d love for it to go into every high school in the country too.

Took my book on a three hour bush and dam walk last week. Me and my book at the Waitakere Dam

May Double-edged Sword flow out to the world and reach everyone that needs her. I’m so excited she is actually real!

Going to make a positive difference in the world!